Actually it is less than a month! Eeeek.
I think I may have been in a little denial that my Camino is on the horizon. Denial that has led to a little procrastination. Perhaps it’s the thought of leaving my family for a month or that I’ve given up living by lists since travelling or maybe it’s the unusual cold frost that’s been blowing over Europe this month.
Leaving my family is definitely something I try not to think too hard about. My husband is capable of getting the kids off to school and ensuring they are fed, read to, loved and washed (at least on Sundays). I’ve left them before … never a full month though, that’s quite a chunk of time hey! Best I let those thoughts go to the keeper!
‘Let it go to the keeper’- seriously that was one of the greatest lessons I learnt from a mentor when I first started work. I was a diligent, motivated and eager to please young teacher. She was a hippie, somewhat disorganised, super creative, senior teacher. Oh but she was doing amazing things. Developing innovative programs that were catching kids at risk, linking in to anything that was on offer in the community, showing kids they mattered, she was shaking a system that was desperate to be shook. And she was right; half the crap we worry about or try to have perfect rarely matters. Does it?
I’ve felt myself closing in, going inward, exploring how I’m feeling and behaving in our current life situation. It’s not all roses moving across the world, there are challenges. It’s life. I am finding in this inward space that I’m spending less time on other things and more time sitting with the kids, tucking their hair behind their ears, touching their cheeks and looking into their eyes. I’m even revelling in the smell of their freshly washed hair. I have done less exercise than I should have this month but my base is strong. I am not trying to break records. My hiking legs and my mind – full of grit. If you’ve met my mum you’ll know where I got that from.
Perhaps it’s not denial or procrastination – just my way of coping and preparing. It is reminding me of just how unimportant most things are in comparison to the people we love. A pilgrimage is about walking with just what you need, a time to pare it all back, to peel away your defences and ultimately I imagine to question your existence.
What will the me that comes home from Santiago de Compostela be like?
The list thing. It wasn’t something I actively gave up doing it just happened. I’m not a disorganised person but I have given up needing to be on top of it all. I do write the odd list. If I am baking something new I need a list. I just wrote a list of the latest people I needed to thank who had donated to my fundraiser. If I need to do practical things like getting a visa organised I’ll do a list but these days I’d be lucky to consult a list a week. Not long lists of things TO-DO – spontaneity and dreams need space to land.
Maybe it’s living without too many commitments or without excess stuff. Over the past years we’ve actively scaled life back. We’ve taken our time easing into living here and creating our new life. We’ve started slow, not too many expectations and there are no swimming lessons, music lessons, excessive play dates or full weekends yet. Every day our play lunch still consists of the same home made muffin recipe with a different fruit flavour. These days I don’t listen to podcasts, TED talks or read books on ‘how’ to do things. My head isn’t aghast with how everyone else is doing things (or telling me how to do things) – I’m finding my own rhythm. I can find my own way.
That’s not to say I won’t ever again (I’ll need to learn to keep bees one day), it’s just not a high voltage excess noise time. I’ve read a load of Camino memoirs which has lent itself to a more reflective time. I also have four kids remember so my quiet time is preciously mine and sometimes whichever musician’s lyrics are speaking to me, that’s enough for now. Oh gosh I’ve turned into that hippie teacher haven’t I? I will admit I’ve missed a few school meetings and my cards are being delivered very late in my listless life – to.the.keeper that goes!
The weather has been so chilly this winter and it’s been a natural time to hibernate. Knowing I was going to hike the camino has meant I’ve moved my way through the winter, hiking in the freezing sunshine, stomping through the snow and gore-texing it up in the rain. I think setting an April challenge has been a good way to stay warm in winter and keep any SAD at bay.
The spring will be here when I return from my Camino and I’m dreaming of daffodils. I’m dreaming of getting my hands dirty and of growing some food. Tomatoes, basil perhaps? I’d also like to get my kitchen bench looking a little like a fermenting laboratory. A scoby, some milk kaffir grains and a sough dough starter – I miss them and I’ll be ready. Yes, I have finally started to understand the types of dreams that keep me present yet still allow me to have some plans (I do need plans). The dreams that add to the present but don’t take me away from it.
The camino will come in it’s own time. Living this time towards my trek as it’s own camino, as a time listen to the wind, to reduce any burdens I’m carrying, to learn from living, that’s how I want to live my life. One great journey, one step, one consideration, one lesson, one day at a time.
Check in for my diary updates – Camino 2018 One Girl Project.
Do you want to hike for one girl too? Join us here on the women who hike team.
I’ve added a thank you page for the champions of this story here.
Support crews are everything. A few more opportunities for corporate sponsorship