It’s something we all struggle with from time to time us bloggie types.

It’s not all this blogger struggles with. There’s discipline, routine and self doubt! Gosh it’s a wonder I ever get a blog post written.

Today my friend Annette of I give you the words wrote piece that I loved reading. On her way to 50 she’s writing a post a day. That’s a post a day till I hit the Camino. My friend Rory also wrote about the difference a year makes when you find some motivation.

I’m no stranger to how different one year to the next can look. I used to have a house full of stuff, I lived on a different continent, I’d never taken a serious photo, I owned a car, I’d never been on a public forum or had a social media account, never written anything other than essays at uni and all that was just a few years ago!

This year I’ve struggled a bit with motivating myself. I don’t have anything to declutter, my garden isn’t growing, my kitchen isn’t productive, there isn’t a scoby or a kaffir grain, heck there isn’t even a sour dough starter on my bench. Settling after long term travel, planting roots in a new country has had its challenges. I’m not good at writing about negatives so where is my fodder for inspiration? I’m not doing a great deal of little interesting things with my time (there was a difficult situation that sucked a bit, no a lot of my energy but that’s for another story).

Perhaps I’ve taken slow living too far, it certainly feels a little slow around these parts, can that be a thing? Yes, I’ve walked a load and I have this super exciting Camino for One Girl coming up but how many training hikes do you want to read about? We are all more than one dimension. You know I can’t do instructional posts. Shoes on, open door, walk. See really not my thing!

I’m not yet feeling settled in my days, in this new life and I haven’t found my groove. I am very happy and appreciate to be here of course but I need to work on that feeling home feeling. There is an upside to feeling unsettled! Boredom has served it’s purpose and here I am lining up my ducks, finding somewhere to land. Calling myself to action.

What Annette reminded me was that it matters that I write. It matters to me. I don’t need to produce anything … I don’t have to write a book and blogging will never pay me but I do have to show up. Here. Yes, I need to continue showing up here. Playing around, following what makes me curious, changing up what doesn’t work, allowing my writing about life to evolve in whatever direction the wind is blowing me at the time.

Rory reminded me to give myself permission that it’s ok to want something more. All my kids are at school now and I admit I do want something more. I’m not sure what that looks like yet but I need more … the days are long on my own. I have the space to create something. I don’t think this bloggie place will provide that opportunity. But it will provide the place to write myself into an opportunity and a more grounded daily life.

A blog or a journal is a place to lay it out. To slowly grow something through words. Something you ask. What something? In my experience a direction, a flow, a community, an investment in one’s self. Taking the time to examine and share takes guts … guts makes you stronger and from there things happen. Then the right people start turning up.

For me blogging can be a place where thinking out loud and documenting creates the foundations for something grand. A grand adventure in everyday life. A journey of sorts. An exploration from what’s in here to what’s out there. The impetus to get stuff off the ground or out of my head and into my life.

Ok Annette I’m with you. Let me combine my love of travel, nature, adventure, history, the simple life and photography with some non-exhaustive writing. Something good for me and if reflective words are your thing, also for you lot. And Rory, you’re damn right. One year is a long time. I have a year till 1-4-2019 and I want to make something and to be somewhere else professionally.

Poetry. I’m going to write us some poetry. Not to become a poet but to find my way forward.

In my life I’ve written 3 poems (the third one today, it’s published below). It’s been on my mind to dabble in it. My dad has an unexplored talent and there’s an Aunt also – they are both wanderers too. I have a suspicion that wandering, observing and reflecting lend themselves to poetry writing.

Where do I start? Who should I read? Can a rebel take on something with rules? Any blogs I should follow? Let’s see shall we.

Today’s poem, titled Daffodil was inspired by my morning walk as we mini break this Easter in London. London in Spring is spectacularly refreshing. The photos in this post all come from this morning’s wander. I even shared it on my IG because I’m not going to be afraid of putting myself in the ring. If we don’t try, nothing will ever change right? Going live keeps me accountable – now to find the discipline and routine …. something for me to play with during the long days of substitute teaching perhaps?

Did you know the Daffodil comes from the genus Narcissus. A word from Greek mythology. Narcissus quite taken with his own image leant into a pool to take a closer look at his reflection. He fell in, drowned and turned into a flower. Poor Narcissus. I also coincidentally read The Picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde) this week speaking of tragic stories of narcissistic young men.

Eeek, I don’t want too stare to hard at my reflection … or think too long about my reflecting – I don’t want to drown. Yes, something positive must be the fruit of reflection.

It was the Romans who brought the daffodil to England. And now this delightful flower, humble in its needs is the joyous sign of the impending spring.

So here is my poem for the week. The first installment of my non-exhaustive writing challenge:

Daffodil.

Gently arriving to restore the poetry of spring to our days.

A prelude to the promise of long days and warmth from the sun’s rays.

Inviting the end to the harshness of winter’s final haze.

Magnificent daffodil inspiring more than a lingering gaze.

~ Frances Antonia.