I wrote a deep and long winded post this morning. One with lots of layers and words … and it took me hours, my whole morning. The kind of post that tends to be relatable because many of us share similar feelings. But it didn’t feel great writing it and I’m not going to post it. I realised I was actually writing myself an excuse piece. I was telling a story about how I felt about recent situations that have annoyed me. (I used the phrase ‘wounded by words’ in the piece). I was basically blaming rather than facing.
Basically I was blaming the fact that I don’t feel comfortable around a lot of people and it’s in the facing of truth that we find our way past an obstacle. Often the obstacle is staring back at us, you know the person we see in the mirror. That is where the story is.
The reason I write and share, my purpose, has always been to write myself forward and to connect. It’s a kind of reaching for what I need. Perhaps you do it too or maybe you’re into mood boards it’s basically the same, it’s manifesting. So instead of feeling wounded by situations, what’s really bothering me.
It turns out it’s me. Of course, hello mirror. I’m annoying myself. I am the one who is walking into situations and conversations that aren’t me, not away from them. I’m the one who is struggling with motivation and I’m the one who is walking the tightrope between where I want to be and where I am. Eeer I know the view will be breathtaking … when I stop tripping myself up.
Now I have a choice. I can tell myself the same story and find some comfort in projecting the shit that annoys me OR I can tell myself the truth.
JUMP ABOARD IF YOU DARE
It’s how we grow.
Unpack the story.
It’s closer than you think.
What is hard?
Motivation is hard.
Discipline is hard.
Saying no can be hard.
Conflict is hard.
Body changes are hard.
Feeling lonely amongst people is hard.
You know you have this.
It’s within your grasp, if you dare.
Already, you have a plan.
Have a bath, drink a litre of water while you’re in there and put on a mud mask. Hormonal face – I’ll soothe you.
Feels better already.
Decide to write this story (in said bath).
It’s true your hormones are changing.
So you NEED to change.
Time to get on a new ride.
The alcohol has gone perhaps it’s time for the coffee too?
Yes, your adrenals need nurturing.
It’s your soul that needs the fire.
It always has.
Share it with your secret keeper.
Make a commitment to yourself.
Recognise how clever you are.
(Going for a massage your first thought would be have amazing but so is a warm bath and a face mask and it’s basically free.)
Now you’re being kind to yourself.
It’s the best place to start.
It’s always about small steps.
Start where you are.
Make one list.
We’ve arrived at the destination.
Now for the transition.
There are new goals ahead for you.
You have already thrown out the anchors.
It’s your turn now.
You are allowed to take up space.
Choose some non-negotiable’s for a week.
– When you’re wounded by small talk write a deep long letter to a soul sister and send it. You’ll realise all the things you really want to talk about and say.
– Exercise each day. Endorphins matter. Nature holds the answers for you.
– The coffee, you know it’s got to go. Trust yourself.
– Water, yes more. Two litres minimum a day.
– Write when you need to reach, write when you have something to say. Write when you need to find the door. Write to offer a door. It’s always your way home.
– Choose wisely who you confide in … they will either ride with you or be the ones who weigh you down.
It’s time to move.
Change is happening.
Scramble on the ride.
Don’t miss the call.
Now excuse me dear friends, I must go for a walk amongst autumn.