Each day I take my run through the woods, still with the freedom to walk through the front door at a time of my choosing. When I’m walking out the door the music up and I’m pumped – I am ready to move. Sometimes it’s putting the music on before I leave the house that gets me motivated. For all that has changed in the world we still have choices. Freedom. I’m not saying it’s easy but many of us still do – it’s in how we frame life.
In deciding to turn my phone off for a month yesterday I have effectively turned off the music to which I run. Something I hadn’t thought through. This is why it is best to leap rather than think sometimes! As I left I thought, ok no music, I can still do this. Without the music in my ears there was something else to hear. One of my favourite things actually. A kind of poetry for the soul. The sound of the chirpy Great Tit’s as they wax lyrical about the day’s events.
Looking back over these past weeks the biggest shift has come for me each time I accept the challenge. I was early in my preparedness, accepting the virus was on the way. This did not send me spinning into shock when things changed in a weekend. For a while I was angry. Angry that many ignored what was coming and in doing so spent no time considering the associated mortality of their choices and those without safety nets. I was angry that people saw this as a blessing when for many it is anything but. Eventually, once the world began to act to protect people I found a way to accept there would be mortality because at least now we’re trying to reduce this and also, that people are just where they are on this pandemic journey.
More recently I have needed to accept I”m confused with how to talk about this in the public and personal space. (ps I see this as a personal, safe space so I feel ok here – we can explore things a little deeper and honestly only people who want to read long words hang out here.) I am confused with how to talk about this in a vulnerable, mindful, kind way and how to occupy my online SM space as an honest contributor. I don’t feel connected with a lot of what I read or see as opinion articles right now and that creates an internal conflict for me. I’m glad blogs tend to be coming out of hibernation. And less luxuriously, more practically my considerations at home need me. It takes energy to create a space for six people to flourish in the oddest of times. So it was time to accept something else – that the phone and its buzz of information and usual part of my life (the photo diary I keep on IG) is not right for me at this time – it’s all to raw.
A few things happened since I decided to turn my phone off. Yes even more than being serenaded by the local birds. Firstly, in the spirit of honesty I will say it hasn’t been quite a straight switch off. I switched on last night to upload my photos and noticed my cousin has had a baby. Glad for this news. It reminded me why phones are good. I also turned it on this morning to check on my mum. There was a message from a friend who I don’t talk a lot with and I wanted to reply … dilemma.
I replied to both. I’d seen them and it didn’t feel right to ignore. Now the interesting thing was in the use. Remember I talked about where would the intention flow yesterday, well the flow was good. In the reply message to said friend I was feeling the goodness of exploring in writing yesterday – so I got a bit dreamy in the message. Yep, dreamy. Dreamy about the wonders of cobblestone streets, unknown pathways, busking musicians, swimming in magical lakes and oceans and the feeling at the end of a gloriously sweaty, hurty, hiking day and the lounge room of my parent’s house with the fire on and all the cozy. All those experiences that live in my mind, the places I’ve been, the ones I can always visit and feel.
Aside from this minimal use, the phone was off and I know it is the right thing for me. I just know. I want freedom from all the non essentials of the phone and the info overload in this time. A little step towards creating some free headspace. I want to be connected with my intuition, invested in my time and online with my heart. I want to feel my way forward. I want to dream of hiking the Pyrenees, of mermaid swimming in the ocean, of eating in the streets of San Sebastian and all the while tend to what needs watering in this current time.
Thanks for keeping this space for me beautiful friends, a safe spot to dream and experience the magic of writing long words. Tell me, what are you dreaming of?