‘It didn’t matter if I got bitten by a dog or I ripped my pants on the fence post or I poked myself in the eye with a tree branch that I was crawling over, it was all about the shortcut. My whole life I took the shortcut, and I ended up lost.’ – Anthony Kedis.
Is the frequency shifting out there? For a moment there, there seemed to be a lot of confusion in my world and in the world of a lot of people around me. It was getting a bit raw for a while. In the past years there has been a lot of excess noise. It has cluttered my perspective and clouded my intuition. So, I did a few things.
I decided I didn’t need to decide about anything. I don’t really know what to do about things right now. I just need to sit still and see how things play out.
I read a book, slowly. Atomic Habits. I haven’t begun mastering my habits but my thinking has been shifting and there’s movement and importantly, there’s been action. Small steps. Beginnings.
I got nostalgic and I started filling my walls and frames with memories. The shot above is one of those. How small they were. How mobile we were, moving with life as it unfolded, needing only each other. It was actually a bit painful, I miss them as little people. But the sadness was necessary to understand where we are and why perhaps my feet are a little itchy!
I cleared the 4,000 emails from my inbox. It took a day. Mostly, I filed them away, it was pleasantly cathartic. It took me through the last few years. There were definitely periods where I was overloaded, I saw them clearly as I went back in time. Those periods were put in folders and cleared from the inbox, they are in the past.
There was a period of time where (through necessity) we shopped online and as a result I was on far too many mailing lists. Now, when a new email comes in from a mailing list I simply hit unsubscribe. It has made room for emails to come in from mailing lists I am interested in. Like this one!
I booked a camino. Next week I will step back on where I left the Northern trail last October. I will hike the next 100kms. I’ve been packing ahead of time, this is a bit of a shift for the me of late. Those joyful salves of excitement and hope are returning. My flights have all been cancelled at least once, but I’ve rebooked each leg and I’m prepared for disruption. I’ll pack a book, a journal and I have music. And I am one of the world’s people watchers, happy to be amongst life rather than the centre of it.
I put a few invites into the universe for my hike. I was going anyhow of course but, there were a few people I’d have liked to have hiked and talked with and I wondered if perhaps they might like or need it too Timing wasn’t right for them. I’m still hiking. I have no problem hiking alone, you have to be able to create what you need. Be your own hero. Oh and here’s a little story … I recently got my own invite to share a trail with a cool chick in September. I said yes.
I took a trip with my number three on a whim. I took a ride on a waterslide one time because he really wanted me too. I gave him more responsibility because he asked for it. I basically said yes more often to him and I began to realise what a force he is. I have much to learn from him. He is good for me.
I started growing things again. I am ridicuoulsly happy to be able to pick fresh food from the rooftop garden. It definitely generates better meals. These past years, where we have been living under construction have cost a lot in terms of habits, health, traditions and rhythms. Is is nice to be in a place to step back in to what matters without chaos. Chaos – the energy vampire.
Somewhere along the way I stopped drinking coffee. I thought perhaps my nervous system might appreciate it. It has. It’s not a hard and fast thing, I’m just trying it and I have had the odd coffee. I am trying a few things with food. I’m far from forming these changes as hard habits but that’s ok. I’m working out who I want to be in five years. Is that someone who eats meat? Someone who eats gluten? And I am working on being that person. It is a process.
I’ve been to a few gigs and festivals. I am listening to a lot of music, new and old and I’m reading from the ‘musical biography’ genre. It.Is.Literally.Rocking.My.World. Setting off all kinds of sparks. So many intertwined stories. Absolutely fascinating. I have been craving this – curiosity.
I’ve started phoning people for real talks. I am really toying with deleting what’s ap. It is too hard right now but I am working on it. I’ve made more time to be with people. I need people more than I realise. My people. I’m zoning in on them. Sharing, laughing, crying with them. Phone me friends, if you need chats and catch ups. I can’t promise I will pick up, I am still me but I am trying harder.
Slowly, decisions are happening. Leaving some things behind and generating motion through small steps always creates the space for something happen. Flow begins to weave its way into daily life. I’ve begun the process of untying myself from commitments that compromise my values, well, just one. I can’t pretend anymore, life goes too fast. My world needs to expand.
I’ve been trying to find out something about myself, about where I am going with my life. It is the key to creating habits and in taking my next steps. As I write this rough, cobbled together little post it seems clear now that being of service has been a common message I’ve been drawn to. I do want to be of service, in an assertive, curious, creative, make things, life changing possibly loud, adventure driven kinda way. So my habits, my day to day life needs to reflect this identity.
Woah. Step one James (the author of Atomic Habits)! I have identified my identity – now to find my way, the long way. Who knew this was where this post would end up. Actually it seems to be a path I am jumping back on after taking some time out to get lost. It will look a little different though because I am.
I better get my camera out of the back of the draw.
And hey look where I am – I decided to write again. I am not sure where this will go. I do know is it is important to me and it has been gently whispering ‘come back, come back’ so I listened.
I am listening.