Gentle by intention

‘Be gentle on yourself’ she said. ‘Give yourself kindness and compassion.’

Have I forgotten what it means to be gentle on myself?

Have I tread so far from my path, from myself?

Do I know who I see in the mirror?

Is the she who I see truly me?

Life feels a lot less gentle in these current times.

I am in a room with a wise woman beckoning me to trust myself.

Have I become scared?

Are my wounds bigger than my dreams?

I am still me, of course I am. She sees me.

Why am I hiding? Who am I hiding from?

She, the wise one, my preventative health Dr.

A healer who left emergency medicine after being traumatised by bodies in crisis.

My body is a little in crisis.

Perhaps, my soul too.

I can still heal.

Life sometimes feels like a culture shock.

When did I cross the line?

The one that takes you from fearless to fearful?

The one where I see more zombies faces, and hear more zombie speak than true excitement and depth?

Today’s noise exhausts me.

The news, the celebrity culture, the striving, the begging for space.

What is it I am missing?

Where is my private world, my bubble.

The little place I can do my best from?

My best is all I’ve got, it’s enough.

Enough to not need more.

The gentle place.

The place flowing with kindness and people who care.

The place where there are no expectations, just ideas and creative flow.

The place where excitement and dreams are the rewards.

It’s a curious place that place.

It’s heartfelt and it’s supportive.

There are beautiful words and interesting stories.

Security matters but trust is the rule.

Is that place here? Where to begin again?

It is never that far away.

It’s beginning.

‘I know what I need to do’ I whispered to her after my treatment.

I’ve always known.

‘I NEED to write’.

8 thoughts on “Gentle by intention”

  1. Hi Frances,

    Writing is always good in times that are troubling ! Corona-restrictions are here now for more than a year and that is more than many us (/our minds) can handle. And you can write, you are good with words, so that helps too :-)

    So true, but not so easy in today’s world: Be kind to yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself.

    When you go back to ‘solowalking with attention’ and ‘being silent’ every day, that can help too. For me it does anyway Not running, not racing on a bike, but shinrin yoku.

    I will be walking in nature again for the next four days :-) I need it to, to counter the restlessness in my head.

    Keep on writing your beautiful words.

    Gerald

    Op zo 2 mei 2021 om 18:57 schreef Tales from the trail :

    > francesantonia posted: ” ‘Be gentle on yourself’ she said. ‘Show yourself > kindness and compassion.’ Have I forgotten what it means to be gentle on > myself? Have I tread so far from my path, from myself? Do I know who I see > in the mirror? Is the she who I see truly” >

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello dear friend!

    Thank you for your generous and kind comments. You have been on my mind lately. No one walks Holland quite like you :)

    These corona times … on and on they go!

    Such a simple way to find joy – to walk. To be lost in the birdsong and seasons. How beautiful are the chirpy birds now. Glad you have a few days to go and find the space you need. We all need to know how to take it.

    I am a slow runner and cyclist, both are also meditative for me. I have to admit I like a bit of sweat too. I need the fire for my flow :) Ha ha. Also I need the detox … my body isn’t agreeing with many foods right now. Cleaning out some toxins. I love that cycling takes me new places and with the wind – the wind keeps me awake. Only on a road bike in NL though … safe paths.

    In saying all this I will share with you just the other day that I started to dream again of a long walk in another country! One with yellow signs. Yes. A long, slow walk is calling me. A week along a Portuguese trail into Spain ….

    Enjoy these days friend! Will let you know when we are home and the pizza oven is again smoking.

    Fran x

    Like

    1. Lovely.
      You certainly do need to write my dear Fran. What a gift you have.
      Life is so full of questions … all … the … time!
      It’s tiring. Your ability to verbalise them in word is a wonderful thing.
      Be kind to yourself.
      I’m back on the trail too with my fancy shoes. Happy days.
      Love and hugs
      Liz xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh Ms Fancy shoes how many adventures you will have together. Before too long they will be just like old friends! Glad your walking the walk you’ve been dreaming of it’s a great one. Writing aaaah yes such a great way to ponder these big questions. So many lightbulbs suddenly switching on. Love you. F xx

        Like

  3. Big love to you Fran.

    The past few years – it’s been a LOT!

    I was just thinking the other day how much I want to crawl under a rock and be completely unseen. And how I miss my blog but feel I have nothing to say.

    Wish I had some words of wisdom for you. ❤️

    Even in these stressful moments, we are enough. It doesn’t always feel that way, but it is that way.

    Nettie xxx

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. BIG love right back at you dearest one.

      OMG yes! A LOT. So much. Too much.

      I have been working my way out of the rock. I’m trusting where the energy takes me.

      Babe, you are wisdom my sage friend. Your presence here shows me I’m in the right place.

      I never doubt being enough but I need to find a new way of working with it. A creative project that is within the current capacity. I tried a few things over the past few years and to be honest I learnt there are places I want to go with my writing and places I don’t. It is a cop out probably to not be able to take on certain fights but it was taxing in a variety of ways. So forward. Gently. Rebuilding. Within my capacity.

      Thank you for always being you! You’re a good friend and golly gosh I can’t wait to have a bloody beautiful lunch together one day. If our island ever opens its doors again and we haven’t be legislated out for good!

      F xx

      Like

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